How to make the best out of sharing a bed with someone

The benefits of sleeping with a partner

There are many benefits of bed sharing with a partner and there is a reason that it’s the most common sleeping arrangement for couples around the world. Many people will feel better rested and more comfortable sleeping with their significant other than sleeping on their own. While much of this comes from being comfortable with your partner and sleeping together as part of a sleep routine, there is some science behind couples sleeping together itself.

One benefit of bed sharing is sleeping skin-to-skin with a partner. When we sleep with a partner we trust and love, our body releases a hormone called oxytocin, which many refer to as the “cuddle chemical”. Oxytocin is produced in the brain when we have physical contact with another person and is associated with empathy, trust, and relationship-building, inducing feelings of relaxation and a reduction of anxiety. When partners sleep next to each other, this chemical is released, making them feel calm and relaxed, which in turn helps them to fall asleep, stay asleep and awaken their best.

Many people who share a bed will benefit from better sleep quality and increased total sleep time. Studies suggest that a benefit of sharing a bed is increased REM sleep, which is important for our emotional health as well as our learning and memory. This can often mean that people who have shared a bed with their partner feel more energised and ready for the day the following morning.

Even though sleep quality may sometimes be better when we sleep alone, partners often report that they are less satisfied with their sleep from nights spent alone. People can be seen to perceive an objectively impaired sleep with a partner as more restful sleep alone, suggesting our brain prioritises our need for closeness over sleep quality. Another reason for this is that we are 'creatures of habit'. As such, we are also inclined to feel safe when we have established a routine and follow it. For this reason, if there is a person in our established practice with whom we share a bed, their absence will disrupt our routine, causing a decrease in the subjective sleep quality. 

The disadvantages of bed sharing

It may seem completely natural to share a bed, but most people who sleep next to their partner will have experienced at least a few disturbed nights’ sleep due to their spouse. Snoring, sudden movement, or regular awakenings from a significant other can often lead to frequently being woken up in the middle of the night. These night time disturbances will lead to sleep fragmentation and lower sleep efficiency. 

Studies demonstrated that often those who slept with a partner showed more discrete movements during the night than on nights when they slept alone. This increase in discrete movements can affect both the person doing them and those they are sharing a bed with. Although they are discrete movements, they have the potential to rouse someone out of a slumber or completely wake them up. Another study substantiated the claims that your partner's sleep can affect your sleep when it concluded that there is a positive pattern in sleep duration and sleep quality within couples, meaning your sleep quality is also your partner’s sleep quality.

Daily actions and conversations in a romantic relationship during the day can also affect the sleep of both partners at night. Research on couples showed that women had worse sleep the more negative interactions they had with their partners throughout the day. Although this shows that sleeping with a partner can leave you with a worse nights sleep, it also shows that if a couple are generally happy together they are likely to benefit from sleeping in the same bed too.

Four ways to enjoy a comfortable night's sleep together

Awaken your best by making sure to mitigate anything that could negatively impact your sleep, when sharing a bed with your partner. While it could be something to do with sharing a bed that is disrupting your sleep, it could be something entirely different, or a combination of factors that are making getting to or staying asleep difficult.

1. Making sure your bed is big enough is a good place to start, having a bed too small for you and your partner will exaggerate any issues, with night time movements being much more obvious if you are sleeping too close to each other with little room to move. 
2. Ensuring you are comfortable enough is also key to making sure you are able to sleep. If you are struggling to sleep with a partner, it will be made even more difficult if you are uncomfortable. Having a good mattress is key to night time comfort, and although they can be a big purchase, there are great,
3. For those wondering how to sleep with a snoring partner, there are many solutions to a variety of causes. The options include a variety of nasal devices that can be used when going to sleep to help prevent snoring throughout the night, refraining from drinking alcohol before bed and avoiding sleeping on your back. It is worth whoever is snoring to go to a doctor for them to professionally assess what is causing the problem and to find a tailored solution, as some situations may be best suited for surgery. 
4. Sleeping position is also something to consider for a couple struggling to share a bed, but there is no approach that will suit everyone, with different couples all being different. The spooning position, where the person in the back embraces the partner in the front close to the body, is often seen as the most comfortable. Although this position allows a lot of skin contact, which in turn stimulates the release of oxytocin, due to the closeness, freedom to move is limited, and small movements could easily disturb sleep. There are many other comfy sleeping positions with a partner that can be tried if spooning constantly leads to a disturbed sleep.

Recommendations by the experts at Emma

Those who can't sleep well with a partner in the early stages of a relationship should be reassured that studies have shown couples sharing a bed together begin synchronising sleep stages. This means that people who do struggle to share a bed at first, may benefit from putting up with the initial difficulty as eventually sleep cycles sync up and sharing a bed should become easier. 

Since, there isn’t a one-size-fits all sleeping strategy, we recommend that couples make a good night's sleep their first priority. Couples should have a conversation and decide whether sleeping alone or sleeping together works best for them. Ultimately, a good night will be beneficial to the relationship in the long run as lack of sleep can lead to irritability, mood changes, mental and physical health issues.